There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I know her cup size but not her name....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
