walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I could fuck to npr.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
