He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
