I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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