Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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