When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
