my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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