my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
