The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
