Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
