Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
