He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
