I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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