I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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