Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
