You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
