Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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