I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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