That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
