I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
