i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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