i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
