His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
