my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
