Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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