We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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