Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i dont even know how to be here
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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