SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
