I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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