While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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