Yo dont text me then not text me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
