She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
