After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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