Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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