Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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