mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
