You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
