Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
