How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
