She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
