You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
