U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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