do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
