Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
