he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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