I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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