if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
