So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
