I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
