I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
